Do as I say, not as I do

I have a really hard time doing as I'm told. Always have. I'm not the openly rebellious type. I'll take orders just fine. Following orders is more of a hit and miss thing for me. I shudder to think what would become of me if I were to be drafted to an armed force or something.

This disobedient streak extends beyond just authority figures though. I have realized that I seldom do what I want myself to do. Is that weird or what? I have managed to live with this shortcoming in a variety of ways. I don't plan ahead because I usually don't follow my own plans. If I must make plans I set aside an entire day to do the one thing even if that one thing will only take half an hour. Even then I may forget completely or just stubbornly refuse to do what I had planned.

hmm... It just occurred to me that it could be related to my memory. Often I just forget to do what I was told. Other times I just forget why I agreed or decided to do this thing. I have already forgotten why I started this blog entry but it looks like it is nearly done so I guess I'll finish it.

These days I am not exactly surrounded by authority figures. In fact my life is conspicuously absent of them. I think I may have subconsciously planned it that way to avoid inevitably disappointing them. The one authority in my life I do continue to disappoint regularly though is myself.

End While

Two weeks holiday has come and gone. I am on the train heading back to the office. It took a while but I did manage to wind down and enjoy the time with my family. Mel, my eldest sister is visiting on holiday from her home and work in Scotland and stayed with us for the last five days. That has been good too.

I have been eager to add to my blog for a while now. I think the words are coming back. I have done more thinking on the why blog question and still don't have a conclusive answer, I would like to think that the things I do all have a greater purpose but I often feel that very few, of my pastimes offer much in the way of contribution to the world. I will continue to make entries in my blog as the urge strikes me but I think the original target I set for myself of three a week was a little artificial. It even added to my perceived workload a little I think. I see some people making multiple entries a day, people who I know also have demanding careers. Some have value in every word, some have painful play-by-plays of life's every mundane moment. I guess my rule for my own blog will be: I will post for my own enjoyment and will not feel pressure from any audience, imagined or real.